Are you a church millennial?


By Brett Younger

Many think a millennial is any young adult born after 1980, but if you go to church you know that millennials are defined by more than their age. Their church experience is different. This scientific quiz will help you understand how “church millennial” you are. According to my best guesses, these questions will reveal whether you share the values, attitudes, and behaviors of a typical church millennial.

Did your parents take you to church when you were a child? It depends on which parent I was with that weekend. Sometimes. Every Sunday, even though they didn't want to go either. Where is your Bible? On my phone God's Word is all around us On my nightstand, next to my reading glasses What is the primary purpose of the church? Care for God's children Christian formation To stay bigger than the Methodist church How often do you attend church? Not as much as my parents think Every Sunday Sunday, Wednesday, and twice a month for committee meetings When you visit a church how do people welcome you? “I'm sorry we don't have a class for your age group.” “We love young people.” “Here's a quarterly.” Has your phone ever rung during worship? Yes, but it was during a drum solo. No, I keep it on vibrate. How would I know? I'm at church. Has your church established Twitter hashtags for your services to encourage people to share sermon quotes? #yescaptainobvious #interestingidea #huh? When you hear something in a sermon that you want to remember what do you do? Make a note on my ipad. Make a note on my bulletin. Tell my wife. Would it be appropriate to take a selfie during a baptism? Yes, baptism is a milestone that would be beautifully commemorated with a photo. No, baptism is a sacred event that should be treated as such. Wouldn't the water ruin your camera? What kind of bread do you eat at the Lord's Supper? Gluten free Hawaiian Styrofoam chiclets What do you think twentysomethings want in worship? A sense of purpose A casual atmosphere Expensive lattes Does your church have a Facebook page? Yes, it makes the old people happy. Yes, that's how I found the church. Yes, we're doing it to reach out to millenials. Does your church website include online giving? Yes. Of course. We're working on it. No, but we recently updated the picture of our church on the offering envelopes. How many of your friends go to church? I don't know. Most of them do. The only friend I have who doesn't go to church is the mailman. If you want to invite people to a church event what do you do? Tweet a clever encouragement to attend. Send an e-vite. Hand a batch of invitations to my pagan mailman. Which of these spiritual practices do you find most meaningful? Walking a labyrinth Chanting ancient songs Bible drills What Christian tattoos do you have?
Charis, the Greek word for grace the cross
Semper Fi Do you think evangelical Christianity is too political, too exclusive, and hostile to LGBTs? Exactly In some ways What does the T stand for? Do you think churches focus too much on sex? Yes. It seems to be the only issue. The church has a responsibility to speak to fidelity. We will quit talking about it when they quit doing it. Is Christianity too focused on rules? Yes. Churches are too legalistic. We need law and grace. These kids today need to straighten up and fly right. And get off my lawn.

Grading your quiz

This quiz can give 442,368 (or so) different combinations of answers. Compare your responses with what you imagine might be the responses of thousands of millennial wannabes nationwide. Weigh each answer and make up the score that represents your resemblance to the typical Church Millennial.

75-100 – You are a real live ridonks church millennial. 50-74 –You appear to have some millennial tendencies, but it likely embarrasses people when you rap the scripture 25-49 – You may know some people at church in their twenties. 0-24 – Someone younger than you are showed you this quiz.